she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
