just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
