Whod you bang
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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