I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
