The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
