FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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