i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
