wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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