I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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