glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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