YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
