You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize