Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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