If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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