dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
