I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
