During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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