It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
