my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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