Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
