I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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