I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
what is it with giant penises always finding me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
