oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
