i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
