even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
