White coat. Heels.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
