you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
