I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
