have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize