Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
