p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
