I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My life is pants optional.
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