she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
