"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
