I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
