Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
