i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize