my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
