So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
