Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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