I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
