can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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