my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
