seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
