it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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