Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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