I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
