did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
