every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
whose parrot is this?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
