I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
