Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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