So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
