Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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