I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
