Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
