it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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