I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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