I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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