I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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