dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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