I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
