He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
