Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize