that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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