im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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