My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
