The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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