no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
