i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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