how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think my moral compass just broke
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