Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
