just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize