Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
